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Can a Swindler Change His Spots?/dialogues

< Can a Swindler Change His Spots?

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Nigel West Dickens: Mr. Marston, sir! John Marston!

(John attempts to ignore him)

Nigel: Mr. Marston. Don't be so childish. Come on, sir. I implore you! Okay, okay, okay so I made a few innocent mistakes when last we met, but my plan is still sound. Together we can conquer, if not the world, then certainly Bill Williamson.

Marston: But first, you need me to do you a favor.

Nigel: You read my mind... I can only deduce you've been taking my tonic, sir, as instructed. It can give the most ordinary of intelligences a remarkable insight.

Marston: I'll give you insight -- I'll show you what your guts look like.

Nigel: Please, sir, this show of petulance is nothing short of embarrassing. Think for a moment, sir. Think.

Marston: I'm thinking about how much of my time you're wasting.

Nigel: Shhh...shhh, shh, shh, shh. Sir. Sir. I am about to do something which I greatly discourage in all wise and rational men. A selfless act, for you. But, sir, before I act selflessly, allow me to act selfishly and sell some of my wares.

Marston: Fair enough.

West: Oh good, sir. Come, and let's go visit some of our fine friends in the other oil business we have here in Plainview. These men need all the help they can get.

(West gets his show ready)

West: Friends! Hard-working souls of...Plainview! Do you suffer from Rheumatism? Lumbago? Acute, chronic, sciatic, neurologic or inflammatory pain? Well, I represent the only company that makes the GENUINE ARTICLE which CURES headaches, neuralgia, earaches, toothaches, backache--

(Some men interrupt the sale/show)

Man: Fraud! This man is a fucking charleton. He just got done swindling us down in Cholla Springs with this song and dance!

Man 2: I say we tar and feather him right now.

Man 3: I say we shoot the bastard.

Nigel: I think it's time we take our business elsewhere.

(Nigel apologizes to the oil workers)

Nigel:I apologize if science is not your forte! Good day one and all!

Man: Somebody get that thieving bastard!

Nigel: Looks like they've been scuppered! Let's get out of here. I'll drive, you ride shotgun.

(Nigel and John escape, leaving John to defend the coach)

Nigel: It sure is lucky you came along when you did!

Marston: Lucky for who? Well, it looks like the global expansion of your West Dickens elixir might have come a cropper.

Nigel: Nonsense! Just another bump on science's bumpy road! Look! They've got the road blocked up ahead! It looks like there's dynamite in there! See if you can set it off!

(John blows up the roadblock)

Nigel: Excellent, John! Now let's make haste for Cueva Seca.

Nigel: What do these numbskulls expect? Miracles?

Marston: Well, that's about what you've been promising 'em.

Nigel: Stay alert. I'm not sure we're out of the woods yet.

Marston: For a man of the people, you sure aren't very popular.

Nigel: I am up against the weight of plebian ignorance, my boy.

Marston: Maybe you need to think about a change in career?

Nigel: I will never give up on science, John!

(John kills more men)

Nigel: How can these people harbor such bitterness?

Marston: Well I ain't surprised. That tonic I drank in Ridgewood went through me like a dose of salts.

(They evade all the chasers)

Nigel: We made it, John! There's Cueva Seca up ahead! Well, that was a little hairy. Thank you, my dear boy. You saved the day again. It always impresses me the speed with which a group of men can turn from passive sheep into murderous wolves.

Marston: I'm impressed with how you nearly got us killed back there.

Nigel: Hm, yes, well perhaps we should shelve the tonics business for a period. What say we try our hand at racing again? There's a meet at Rathskeller.

Marston: You're trying my patience, Mr. West Dickens.

West: Well, I'm sorry, dear boy, but I'm only an ageing vendor of exotic elixirs, not the bloody U.S. cavalry! Forgive me if matters take some time to prepare.

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